Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dick very happy bro
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
