You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
