I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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