Me too!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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