i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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