I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
