I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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