if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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