he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
