I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
