i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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