I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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