i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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