So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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