Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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