I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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