Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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