He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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