fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
