it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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