you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
