I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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