I wish my penis had an off switch
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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