I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
