Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
