Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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