I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize