She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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