they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
