Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
