Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
