she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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