Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
