Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
