You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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