Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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