True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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