I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize