You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
