people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!