"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok