i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.