Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE