small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize