dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
