I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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