i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
