Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
