i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
