i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
