Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
