She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
