So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
