I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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