and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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