so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Still dying that you shit outside
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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