i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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