It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
