i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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