Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
