dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
