I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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