Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
