if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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