my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
