He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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