he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
