you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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