I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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