I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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