I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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