i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
