What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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