We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
