I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
