I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
